Friday, December 5, 2008


Friday morning, riding a high from her burgeoning comeback and a cocktail of designer drugs, Britney Spears decides she wants to give back to the country that gave so much to her, then took it away, and then gave it back again.

She wants to do something to help everyone, but she also wants to do something “totally Britney,”

…so she decides to buy every Pontiac in America.

It works! She saves GM, and hundreds of thousands of jobs. America rejoices, the stock market shoots up 4,000 points, and we all believe everything is going to be ok.

Britney’s saved us all!

But Saturday morning, Britney realizes even she doesn’t need that many Pontiac’s, so she gives some of them away.

Unfortunately she’s gives them to the terrorists responsible for the Mumbai attacks because they’ve got coke.

…and they’re brown, so she thinks they are Sam Lufti.

The terrorist load up the Pontiacs with dirty bombs and an old nuclear warhead and drive them from LA to New York.

Unfortunately, the Pontiac’s are pieces of shit and their crappy suspension bounces the dirty bombs and warhead until they detonate and kill us all Saturday evening at 5:43 PM EST.

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