Tuesday, January 20, 2009

HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF CELEBRITIES: PHLOG

Gotta be honest, he doesn’t look any gayer than most priests.

As full of pride and excitement as Denzel Washington is, you know it must piss him off that he’s too old to play Obama.

“Fuck Omar Epps.”

Sure, acting’s a noble craft and an art, but once you’ve starred in “Snakes on a Plane” you shouldn’t have anything to do with the president.

At least they won’t have to green screen this footage for Forest Gump II.

You know there aren’t many Indian celebrities when you have to call Kumar to speak at an inaugural event.

Jamie Foxx did an impression of Obama. It was pretty good, but the part where he had him shooting smack in the bathroom with the horn player seemed a bit excessive.

“Kung Fu Panda—no?!?”

Due to his heightened since of hearing, only Stevie Wonder could hear the cracking noise coming from Shakira’s aging arthritic hips, but it was very distracting

Bettye Levette is soul singer who never got her due in her day because she refused to cross over and sing white music. For decades she toiled in relative obscurity, lived with her mother, and sang in bars. After 30 years of fighting to do things her way, she recently made a comeback, recorded two great albums and was even nominated for a grammy. Finally after all the years of struggling, she’s on stage singing “A Change is Gonna Come” for the first African American president of America, and all of the sudden in the second verse, Jon Bon “Blaze of Glory” Jovi saunters on to stage and fucks up the whole moment.

"You're welcome!"

For Garth Brooks’ first song he played “American Pie,” then to try relate to the black crowd he covered “Shout.” Check out that chick in the choir laughing at him.

James Taylor looks like an old man in a bathrobe.

“Shower the people you love with love, hey, you kids get off my lawn!”

Tiger Woods—beta Obama.

The inauguration committee hired Josh Groban to reach across the aisle to closeted Republicans.

Sure, I’ll never be as cool as Bono, but Bono will never be six feet tall either. Not even close.

“Holy shit, is Will.i.am playing that god damned song again? I’m gonna go piss.”

“Little Pink Houses, foreclosed on you and me.”

Someday I hope to grow old with as little regard for dignity as Pete Seeger.

"Play Freebird!"


Even Lincoln looks surprised.

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