Wednesday, January 14, 2009

TO BE FAIR, EVEN GOD WAS A DICK IN THE OLD TESTAMENT: PHLOG

I don’t mean to perpetuate the stereotype that Jews are paranoid about constantly being under attack, but things are fine in most of Israel.

This is what happens when Israel gets hit.

And here’s what happens when they strike back.

This is the Israeli frontline…

… and this is the Palestinian frontline.

I mean, I’m sure the water’s a bit chilly and maybe it’s sort of overcast at the beach…

...but this seems a bit heavy handed.

There’s nothing sadder than watching a baby mourn. That shit's just depressing.

Don’t worry, I’m sure Cat Stevens is already writing a song about this picture.

“Everything! They destroyed everything!.. except my pink scarf. Thank you Allah!”

Man, that really sucks when the only thing you have left in this world is a mantle. Without a wall, that thing’s just fuckin’ useless.

I suppose now really isn’t the time to correct his grammar. It's like lol cats finally hit Palestine, well lol cats and laser guided missiles. 

Personally, I think I see more Jews at the Coffee Bean here in town, but who am I to knit-pick?

Here’s the deal: you either hate the West or love trucker hats. You can’t do both.

Kids say the damndest things.

This will be cute for about 7 more months—then it will go too far.

Boy, drawing that star of David on Bush’s face would have really pissed him off in college, back before he needed to win Florida.

“You better hold on by yourself Sadiq. I’ve got two kids, but only one mattress.” 

“Death to the West! Now hand me some of that local Palestinian flour we sent ourselves!”

350,000 people of Palestinian descent live in Santiago, Chile. Is it just me or is South America really the place to go for exile if you hate the Jews?

“Hey, did that Arab holding a piece of pita look at our satellite’s telephoto lens funny?”

 “Yeah, drop one on him.”

“I stay close to God by growing my beard, keeping kosher, dressing traditionally, praying several times a day, and watching Palestinians get blown up through my binoculars. It’s fucking awesome.”

When you’re praying over that much ammunition, and then you call the other side fanatical religious zealots, can you at least smell the irony or does the gunpowder drown it out?

It’s in undeniable boom time for Palestinian gravediggers. I’m so confident in the industry, that I’d buy futures in that shit.

I have to admit, the closest I’ve ever been to a situation like this was “Bring Your Own Mug Night” at a bar in college.

“Let’s see… the answer is… kill the Palestinians, take their land, and act like it’s their fault” 

“No Ma, it’s not that bad. Well, Shmulie keeps doing his Johnny Carson impression, but other than that, it’s not so bad.”

No comments: