Friday, February 4, 2011

THE WORLD WILL END THIS SUNDAY AT 12:20 PM

It all starts Friday afternoon, when the riots in Egypt intensify, until finally the protesters tar and feather Mubarek and send him packing.

DC freaks the fuck out.

They pull an all nighter (work until 5:01 PM) and finally uncover a little known “Egyptian law” that dictates who the line of succession should go to. A man named…

Bob. Bob Al-Zomething. Immediately, DC flies Bob to Cairo and put him into power.


Egypt promptly kills Bob.

They rush some elections and vote for some guy we’ve never heard of. Sure, he’s Muslim, and he’s too Islamic to win an election in Iowa, but whatever, it’s their country.

Yemen, Tunis, and other countries follow suit and elect some guys who you wouldn’t necessarily pick to lead a Baptist choir, but again, it’s their country and their elections, so no biggie-- right?

America freaks the fuck out.

“Oh shit! Islams!”

“Well, we always said we wanted fair and transparent elections, or Bob, and you know, well, these are the people they elected. That’s Democracy.”

“Fuck Democracy!”

“Democracy sounds an awful lot like Demon to me!”

“Demon! Demon! Demon!”

Then a counter-protester ironically says, “we should just let Charles Manson out and have him take care of things in the Middle East.”

“No, I will not release Charles Manson and send him to the Middle East.”

Saturday morning, Politico picks up the story that Obama says he will not release Manson, and then Drudge links to it. The comment section on the post goes nuts. Because Obama said he won’t release Charles Manson, the tea-baggers have a nut-jerk reaction and decide the only Holy American thing to do is to release Charles Manson.

Meanwhile, overweight and low income Americans start dying by the thousands.

“It’s Obamacare!”

Actually, it’s all the fake food and bioengineered meat they’ve been eating.

Between the new found love of Charles Manson, increased hatred for Obama, and people falling dead everywhere, America breaks out into riots bigger than Egypt’s, and the tea baggers bust out Charlie.

At a teabag rally, the 5 year-old kid from Florida who brought a handgun to school shows up, and the pistol falls out of his pocket again. This time it discharges and shoots an American cab driver of Egyptian descent. The crowd goes wild, and makes the kid second in command to Charles Manson to lead the Tea Party.

“That’s it. I fucking quit. I tried, people, really I did. This country was fucked long before I got my hands on it, but I tried. Hard. Really hard. Some things even got a little better, but no, you focused on all the bad shit going down and listened to blowhards on tv and the radio, and now you want Charles Manson and some 5 year-old kid with a gun to run the country. You know what? Have at it. Knock your fucking selves out with this one. Good luck, assholes.”

12 noon on Sunday, Manson and the kid move into the White House. They have a grand ol’ time for a few minutes, kill some people, and eat lunch. Then they start rough housing in the Oval Office. All of the sudden, the kid’s pistol falls out of his pocket again and lands on The Button.

Nukes are released and blow us all to fuck. Manson smiles. It’s 12:20 PM, and the world has ended.

130 comments:

RW said...

This Country has been played for a fool starting with the last six war all resulting in the people of the opposite side ending up buying property in the place that went to war with them tax's free for a year. What does that tell you either someone is bank rolling both sides of the war from the United State to make and inside war on our or should I said on the soil of United States soil which no longer belong to America people regardless to what color they are thank you my name: Ronald Williams

RW said...

Also there will not be and end of this world people may die in large numbers but the earth will still remain; with people remaining on this earth to either better it or ruin it as the previous polititions have done along with the last six Presidents which are controlled by the elite.

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That's pretty freakin' good (and I don't mean that in a WWZ sort of way like "RW"). Bravo to you!

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Friday afternoon, Dick Cheney sits down with a reporter for one final Jedi mind trick.

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