Tuesday, May 14, 2013

PHLOG: PRESS CONFERENCES ABOUT CRUSHING FREEDOM OF THE PRESS CAN BE A LITTLE AWKWARD AND USELESS

"Well, hello, the press. What’s new?"

"Obviously, I can’t tell you anything regarding the examination of phone records, because, well, you’re the press, and I don’t want to leak any information. I mean, what would happen then? You’d be all 'LOL IDK- what happened?' Because I read your text messages."

"Too meta?"

"Gary Pruitt, how come you don’t call your mother more?"

"Because I have your phone records. That’s a joke. And a threat. Mainly a threat, but it’s funny to me."

“Ok, fine. This is a very serious issue—a very grave issue. I mean, if the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the CIA can’t pull one over on a bunch of J-School grads and communications majors, what fucking hope do we have with China?”

“Fuck you. You’re all getting audited.”

"Awesome, right?"

"Awesome."

"Awesome, sir."



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